I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
