If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
