the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
