once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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