I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
