and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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