Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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