Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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