What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
can u get pink eye on your cock?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
