I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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