you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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