I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My feet surprised me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
