oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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