you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
