Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize