epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
