she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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