why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize