someone threw a dead crab at me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
