I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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