Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there's paper in my vomit.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm at about main and main street
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
