As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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