If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
