Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
