Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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