smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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