She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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