She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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