And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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