It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
