he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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