i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
