Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
