hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize