You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
