i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
