I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Will you blow on my dice?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i barfeds in our rink
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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