I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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