we have officially lost it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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