Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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