he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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