you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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