how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
