I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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