Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
