why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
