i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
