So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
