No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
