My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
