I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
