i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
Randomize
