i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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