I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
