actually, I'm a sock model
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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