First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
