he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
