shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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