Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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