Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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