haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
