you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
