Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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