how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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