I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
