Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
