So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
