Where is the hickey?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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