"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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